CHALLENGES & OPPORTUNITIES OF SINGLE PARENTING
by Rosemarie Perla

  1. Learn forgiveness and detachment with love: This is certainly a life long lesson but the single parent gets many opportunities to practice this one. However you may define spirituality, connect to that source and practice detaching from what you cannot control (like your kids when they are not with you). Also, practice forgiving as it is a direct path to healing from the loss that brought you to this present space. It is a lesson that all parents get to learn; single parents get to it sooner.
  2. Develop a spiritual practice: As a single parent, you will have to put more energy out than you ever have had to in your life. There is no "tag team" in single parenting so learning to take care of oneself begins with the Self (with a capital "S"). Find that source of meaning and renewal for you, whether it is through meditation, nature walks or traditional religious expressions. While feeling quite alone at times, knowing that there is a compassionate universe can ease the road that you are walking on.
  3. Develop opportunities for self-care and re-creation: Are you seeing a pattern here? When you are with the kids, you are the primary caretaker and sometimes it feels like there is little energy or time left over for you. So what are you doing to take care of yourself? Everyday try to set up a "cookie" for you, even if that means getting up 15 minutes earlier to read some inspirational words or sit with your coffee, daydream and journal. This is a time that is just yours to renew the imagination and heal the soul. Sit with a friend and brainstorm what these times can be… from a scheduled massage, to weekends away, to cooking your favorite food when you are dining alone. Just do it and make it apart of your daily to-do list.
  4. Ask for help! No martyrs here. Forget that perfect view of parenthood -- it doesn't exist with or without a partner. Parenting is a job like any other with sometimes little to offer as reinforcement day in and day out (other than the existential knowledge that you are raising a fine human being to contribute to the world - and sometimes we question this!) One of the best skills an adult can develop is the ability to ask for help. Surround yourself with a loving community and ask for support when needed.
  5. Respect and honor your children's love for your "X": There may be hard feelings regarding the parent who is no longer available to you (or to the children) and/or the parent in another household with whom you have to share the children's attention. This person is still your child's parent and a place of honor in that child's present and past memory needs to be nurtured. Don't tell tales or shine an otherwise unhelpful light on your child's view of their mother/father. This is a hard one particularly if there was a difficult loss. Get help and support for yourself to best understand how to help your child grow into their future of being a parent. How they view you and your "X" will contribute to this future.
  6. Take advantage of opportunities for solitary time with your children. Play. Have fun - bring out the child in you, but know these times are precious and are to be savored and enjoyed.
  7. New beginnings can be exciting…and can open up new possibilities. Embark on this journey of healing with your best intentions for renewal and hope for growth into a better future. Grow into that person you have always wanted to be, count the past as gone and move into a braver, gentler future.
Action tip: Spend alone-time with each child and get to know him or her as an individual member of the family unit. Make a monthly habit of it.